If it's not a 'Hell Yeah' it's a 'NO'



All I see splashed all over Pinterest in beautiful yellow and pink typography is SAY YES’, or SAY YES TO LIFE. For so long I bought it. I would try and say ‘Yes’ even when I wanted to say no. I ended up doing a lot of things, spent time with a lot of people and being in a lot of places that I actually didn’t want to ever see in the first place. It wasted my time and even worse; it drained my energy bank. I said yes to the world but I didn’t actually know what the question was.

Then I got sick. There is a whole novel there I could get into but I won't. During the beginning stages of being ill I had a lot of time to think. I kept telling myself, you need to keep saying yes. It’s how you are going to get better. If you say yes the darkness will fade. So I did, I said yes and yet again it was the same as before I was sick. But this time I had a lot less time and energy to begin with so it affected me more.

One day I was sat typing in my journal and I remember typing ‘I am officially retiring yes and I’m falling in love with no’. People see the word ‘no’ as this big bad monster. It’s like the word ‘no’ is going to destroy your fun, ruin every opportunity you’ve been given and basically fuck your entire life up. But I look at it differently. For me ‘no’ is a word that makes me feel strong. It’s the word to makes sure that I am putting my time and my attention into who, what and where I want it. On Friday night when I want to have an early night and do a face mask and my friend asks me if I want to go for a drive - the ‘yes’ philosophy would tell me my entire life could change with this one drive but the reality is; when I said ‘no’ I took control of not only the situation but my life. I may have missed out on whatever magic the 'yes' world would make me believe was possible but by saying 'no' I got what I knew my body and mind needed.

Of course there are much bigger situations, when the stakes are higher than an early night and a face mask but if I’m being honest with you and myself - the bigger the situation, the higher the stakes; the more I believe in the power of NO. No to me is the tool I can use to construct where I want to go. It’s almost my self care advocate. It’s always there and I can use it as often as I want.

People get scared to say it, worried they’ll hurt their friends feelings if they say ‘no’ to a night out, worried the boy they fancy will never ask them out again if they say ‘no’ to a date the same night as their parents anniversary party. My moto here is - if something is meant to be for you; it will be. If someone wants to be in your life, a no won’t keep them away. If someone cares about you, taking a rain check won’t be enough to make them stop trying.

Ever since I’ve started using it, I can’t tell you that my life has changed so magically that I’m now a 5’9  long legged blonde model who has a husband that loves her and twelve cute dogs. But I am telling you that I feel more in control. Or as in control as anyone can feel in your twenties. I guess the concluding aspect of this is that there is this big idea that saying ‘no’ to ANYTHING somehow automatically limits you or costs you something, when actually saying ‘no’ can mean protecting yourself from the unnecessary, the harmful even.

No is often a helpful way of building healthy barriers and boundaries in your life. So unless it’s a HELL YES reaction - it’s a NO.




3 comments:

  1. Aw love this so much! I suffer from ME/CFS and for years felt so, so guilty about the things I couldn't do and had to say no to, I would end up feeling wrecked trying to keep up with everyone else. I'm learning to say no and conserve my energy better but it's so hard, I feel like I don't deserve to be in peoples lives >< but you are so right, anyone who is worth staying will understand the no xx

    elizabeth ♡ ”Ice Cream” whispers Clara
    (I would love to follow each other on bloglovin if you like :D)

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  2. Hi Elizabeth!
    Thank you so much for your kind comment! I'm so sorry to hear that you've had to struggle; but I'm so glad that you finding strength and power, even if it's just from one simple word.

    I hope that you continue to feel strong in your battle ahead in life! I guess we always have to remember we have a choice and if people can't accept that or don't want to be around us because of that; then they don't deserve us !

    x

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  3. This is something I struggle with hugely. I suffer so much guilt from saying no, from feeling like I have let people down to feeling like a bad friend. but i too dont have much energy left in my bank, and i would rather be 110% yes than a 30% yes and feeling bad for agreeing to something I didnt want to do anyway and just say no!

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Be careful with the words you use, remember - they can hold a lot of weight. Feedback is always welcomed and appreciated x

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